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I Don't Even Know

from A Thought To The Head by Hugs & Proxy

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lyrics

A real friend of mine accepts who I am, always around, and wants to be there. A real friend of mine wouldn’t hold the truth from me, and never stop wanting me to care. If that’s really what a friend is, I’m afraid I’ve had none. Maybe it’s too much to ask for, But I know a friend should never say “I’m done.” I need to know what I need now. All I know is that it’s gone. Tell me. What should I ask for? Cause I don’t even know just what I want. I want to stay sane. I want to be happy. I want to care, but not too much. I want to love, but people gotta want it, and no one wants to be loved by who they don’t like.

You’re telling me to just be myself as long as myself is only what you choose. You’re telling me to just be myself, just be it somewhere else. We’re finished with this ruse. If that’s really the cause for rejection, I’m afraid I’ll never change for you. Maybe I need some improvement, but I know I’ve only showed what’s true. I’ll never make it all alone now. Failure will be my only friend if who I am can’t be accepted. But I don’t even know if that’s what I should want. As long as I’m sane I’ll never be happy. I’ll always care too damn much. I’ll never love if I can’t be liked, and the future for all those things aint looking so bright.

The only way to make it in this world, be the loudest, most arrogant, know it all man. The only way to make it in this world is to suck up hard on everyone you can. If that’s really how to make it, I’m afraid I’ll never kiss your ass. Maybe I’m way to pathetic for this pride, this moral tainted mass. I’ll never make it with my convictions. Failure will destroy me in the end. Tell me. What should I ask for? Cause I don’t even know just what I want. I want to create. I want to conquer. I want to work hard but not too much. I want to succeed, but first I gotta know.
Tell me. What the hell is success? Oh tell me what the hell is success? Oh tell me what the hell is success? Oh tell me what the hell is success? Cause all I really know is it’s not this.

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from A Thought To The Head, released January 1, 2014

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